OUT & IN is an ongoing investigation into real-life and internet cultural trends that are expiring and suggestions to what can replace them.

Volume 6 will tackle: ENTERTAINMENT IN THE LATE 2000s:

Open your Photobooth app, fix your glasses, muss up your hair a bit.  Countdown: 3…2…1.. FLASH!  You are a cute blog bro!  Plop your little headshot into your cute tumblwitter page and write something meaningful yet cryptic in the “about” box:

This shit is over, boys.  Girls hate pussies.  Girls hate nerds.  Girls hate boys with glasses.  Girls hate hairless little dipshits.  Wanna know what girls want?  Some authentic caveman-revival shit.  And this trend is creeping up:

POINT 1:

I was in a band for 15-20 minutes called “CAVEMAN DUDES” and we set up a tour with GIRL TALK but had a band fight and I ruined the guitar player’s furniture.

We sounded like a mixture of distilled testosterone, engines roaring, and charcoal briquettes.  We got kicked outta facebook and myspace and tumblr for being way too fucking raw.  iTunes tried to fight us and we beat the living crap outta him.  I’m not gonna even mentioned what we did to Geocities (rest in peace, fool).

POINT 2:

This band is called CAVEMAN BAND and they’re all man.

My friend Matt’s dad is in this band and looks like an awesome dude.

I haven’t heard the music yet, but I’ll bet my balls that it sounds like a mixture of distilled testosterone, engines roaring, and charcoal briquettes.

POINT 3:

Oooga-Booga.  STFU.

NEXT THINGY:

Doing drugs the normal way stinks.  You have to excuse yourself to the bathroom or closet and pretend to being doing something that is not drugs.  Then you end up wiping your nose or rubbing your eyes or untying a rubber band from your arm when you get back to the party and it’s TOTES embarrassing to get called out on your shit.  However, doing drugs a way cooler way rules.  Cook your drugs into spaghetti and snort them at the dinner table (pictured).  THAT’S COOL.  Try body-painting with drug-infused body chocolate from Spencer’s Gifts!  THAT’S COOL.  Go get a cut-and-color from a drug addict, have him/her accidentally clip your ear with the snippers and have him/her take a “puff” of drugs and then blow it on your bleeding ear.  THAT’S COOL.  “Think outside the blogs,” bros.  There’s a whole new way to get high.

N-N-N-NEXT:

Lady Gaga is an America-hating vampire raver.  She wears wicked weird costumes and considers her entire life a photo-shoot.  I don’t get her.  I saw her in concert and she stunk.  She sang like a stoned pony and danced like a sloppy ass (tiny horse).  I would much rather see that other chick in my cool graphic above playing a bass solo.  It could be anywhere:

• BASS SOLO AT CHURCH
• BASS SOLO BETWEEN BANDS AT AN INDIE ROCK SHOW
• BASS SOLO ON YOUTUBE
• BASS SOLO ON XTUBE
• BASS SOLO ON REDTUBE
• BASS SOLO ON A FLASH DRIVE
• BASS SOLO ON A BLOGSPOT SITE
• BASS SOLO ON A VIDEO CHAT
• BASS SOLO ON THE CW, ABCFAMILY, SPIKE TV, TNT, FOOD NETWORK, OR TBS
• BASS SOLO WHILE FISHING WITH JOHN MEYER
• BASS SOLO WHILE SWIFFERING SOMETHING
• BASS SOLO WHILE CLEANING ME AND MY FRIENDS’ TEETH
• BASS SOLO WHILE MY G.F. DOES JUMPING JACKS
• BASS SOLO WHILE A UPGRADE MY RAM
• BASS SOLO WHILE I BUY A KNICK-KNACK FROM AMAZON.COM
• BASS SOLO WHILE I SLEEP
• BASS SOLO WHILE I DREAM
• DREAM SOLO WHILE I SNOOOZE

Y’know what I mean!?  That’s it.  Hope you learned something.  Here’s a coupon code to bananarepublic.com that I just made up in my head:  SEINFELDTHEMESONG.  Enter that in the “coupon codes” section.

You’re welcome.

UPDATE: John Meyer just twittered the following after hacking into our WordPress admin page and reading the draft of this post that I’m writing:

Thanks, John.

xoxo,
Keeez