Did you know with Optimum Digital iO cable you get to control your DVR online?   It rules.  You type in an actor, a subject, a channel, a show and it searches the TV schedule and you can record whatever you want on you home DVR cable box from the comforts of your work computer.  Tight.

Here’s a fun game for you and your dorkPhone!

1. Zoom out over the United States (or wherever)
2. Search the map for something dumb
3. See what happens

Here’s what I got:

I checked up on Naropa.edu and was treated to their mission statement and images from the campus:

Check out the next map!

Gross, right?  Of course, their website had an insightful and informative map of the club:

NEXT!

The Most Wanted list of Arlington, Texas is pretty fresh:

Plus this animated GIF they had on the police website is cool:

And Finally:

You might wanna check out this website on your own.  It’s run by this dude:

and this dude:

and the entire website is typed out in the gun-slingingest-bad-ass-ruff-and-tumblest font choice of Comic Sans.

Click to enter:

This great nation of ours sure has its wonders!  What can YOU find?

Eeez and me spent some time in the Providence Amtrak Station last weekend.  We hang out there and just, y’know, suck in the culture, lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, and talk to intriguing locals.  We had the distinct pleasure to do a video interview with Providence’s most esteemed local rambler, this pigeon:

He came with Eeez and me to Penn Station and he drank us under the table in dining car Miller Lights.

Also while we were in my hometown (MA) we got to stay in my childhood bedroom, which my Mom promptly converted into an adulty “hang-zone” rather than preserve the memory of my adolescence by keeping my shitty punk rock posters on the wall and the stains on the carpet (you go, girl.) My Mom did, however, store an old person robot chair in the “hang-zone” and it is awesome. Behold:

Cool! BTW - While in my hometown we went to electronics superstore Best Buy and bought a CD!!! When is that last time you bought a CD?!?! We chose T.I.’s “Paper Trail” and it’s pretty good. The CD booklet has wicked cute pics of T.I. in it too!!!

Oh yeah, and:

OUT & IN is an ongoing investigation into real-life and internet cultural trends that are expiring and suggestions to what can replace them.

Volume V will tackle: Web2.0:

Ok.  I’ve had it with the web.  It’s too cute and precious.  For Christsake, it’s the INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY.  That sounds fresh.  That’s what the internet once was.  Oh?  Did you just blink?  WELL YOU FUCKING MISSED IT.  Even on dial-up you could get your information delivered to you, no, smashed into your FACE on a virtual SUPER HIGHWAY!!!  Sorry for all the yelling, but these tender, lame little websites like Tumblr and Twitter and Vimeo and Flickr are anything but super.  OR an information provider (I’m not talking “tweets” or “tumbles” - I mean real information that you can write a school paper on - real super-highway-type-shit).

So I invented a term for the next generation of internet.

It’s not gonna be called “Web3.0″ or “Web2.0.2″ or anything like that.  It’s a whole new world.  And we’ve gotta get back to our roots, when things were fast like a highway, super like a super-computer, and as informative as a wicked big library x 1,000,000.  Welcome to WebTURBO and say goodbye to these losers:

Ughh.  Stop it…

Done…

Your precious stop-motion animation fan music video for Bon Iver doesn’t need to be uploaded in High-Definition.  In fact, it doesn’t need to be uploaded at all.

Play hard or go home, Silicone Valley.  This is like still saying to your family that your girlfriend is just a “friend” when you take her home for weddings and shit.  Go all in.

And then there is this:

STOP IT.

Sorry.  I guess I’m just as guilty of being a total doof for getting so passionate about what I hate on the web, but I just wanted to make all these cool graphics :)

Let’s get this party started.

Introducing WebTURBO.

It’s about getting back to the web’s roots.  It’s a super highway.  Buckle the hell up, grampa.  I’m still going through the details, but allow me to give you a heads-up on what WebTURBO is all about:

This feature is in your e-mail program.  USE IT!  Want tight fonts?  How’s Garamond sound to you?  BOLD IT.  ITALIC IT.  MAKE IT FUSCHIA.  MAKE A CRAB EMOTICON (V.v.V).  Use these technologies, dudes.  They are there for you and your productivity (turbo).

These are just sick.  It looks like that text is popping off of your screen!  Lemme ask you:  Would you rather almost get knocked on you ass outta your desk chair by sick drop shadows or have your text look like it was dipped in a Capri Sun or propped up on a puddle (see “glossy text” and “that lame reflection thing” above).  BOOM!  You’re on the floor asking WTF knocked you outta your chair.  Oh damn.  It was that sick drop shadow on that thing I was just looking at.  TURBO!

I’m guilty of having more than one blog just like the rest of you.  I’m not proud of it.  It just happened.  But, srsly…  How much do you have to share?  NEWS FLASH.  Google Analytics lies.  And those 50 new visitors that you think you have aren’t real.

If you’re gonna blog, blog turbo.  Next:

I have this theory.  In 10 years when the internet supports super high-definition video standards like HD2.0 and HDTURBO there is going to be a bunch of video content creators that want that retro feel of shitty 320×240 YouTube video.  There will be countless high cost plug-ins for Final Cut Pro and iMovie that make your video look like it used to “back in the day”.  Bad internet video feels the same as when you finally get to listen to that Neutral Milk Hotel record after owning it for five years and never being able to play it because you didn’t have a record player.  But what did you do?  You went to Best Buy and got that $99 one.  And then you plugged it into your iPod speaker dock and listened to “Two-Headed Boy” and you felt like your mind was getting blown all over again.  The warmth of the music on vinyl.  That analog depth.

That’s what bad quality video feels like with WebTURBO.

Ok.  Fonts.

Anything that Garfield is down with is fine by me.  Download Garfield.ttf here.

And finally:

Please click to continue.

Hmm.  Maybe this isn’t the best idea for a web revolution, but it’s a start.  We need a less cute internet asking what we’re doing or making us take quizzes or trying to get down our jeans.  Welcome to WebTURBO.  This is the logo.  Feel free to put it on your
twittertumblrfacebook
myspacevimeoyoutube
deliciousflickrphotobucket
adultfriendfindergooglereader
igooglewikipediayahoo
to show your support for the cause.**

**this will actually blow up your websites.  Use at your own risk (turbo).

As a high school sophomore in 1997 I started to slowly morph from math-nerd to punk-rocker.  I had this band called “Ostrich Ploy” named after a failed attempt to free a flock of ostriches from an ostrich farm in my home town.  Every March 14 the math department at school would have a Pi Day competition (I don’t have to explain why March 14th is Pi Day, right?) so I entered my punk band.  We recorded a ska-punk song (oh god) called “Pi Day”, made a video, and submitted it to the contest.

We got the lowest score out of everybody.

See the losing video and lyrics below.  Happy Pi Day!

I just either got an email written by a scammer or John Lennon’s druggy ghost.  Can’t tell.

Oh.  And just in case you wanted to know:

Fuck.  This post is going nowhere.  Let me try this:

That didn’t work.

Sorry for the stream of conscious rambling post.  It’s kinda lousy, but I did just learn that Google Books has full issues of Weekly World News all the way back to the 80s scanned in its archives!  So good!

I just found the greatest webpage of all time.

Thou mayeth doth behold.

Like, for example, being a total retard.

How do we turn liking stuff into something dirty? I hope some really tight hacks are coming my way. Crash and burn!

:::UPDATE::::

Going viral has its drawbacks.  This lame internet video clips show called POPTUB called our Cats Inspired By Kittens Inspired By Kittens a “FAIL”.

This chick is dogshit.  Video response coming soon.

* * * UPDATE * * * UPDATE * * * UPDATE * * *

Here is our video response to this shit show:

We are cyberbullies!