Do Elephants have tonsils?

I dunno. But I don’t think it’s worth looking into.

I’m a firm believer in using clothing as a form of expression.  So, moving forward, I’m going to try and wear what I love most…ummmm……Cats!!!!!

Check out the new, New Look:

Squid Earrings: $11.00

Turd With Eyes/Cat Face Necklace: $24.99

Mega Fantastic & Magical Cat Tee: Can only be bartered for with a human skull, a gold tooth, or some weed.

Kitty Printed Keds: Can only be bartered for with an authentic pair of ’80s L.A. Gear sneakers.

Achieving Ultimate CAT MAMA Status: $$$$$$Priceless

I am a believer in aliens, for sure.  I’m also pretty convinced that there are some aliens thrown into our earthly mix:

SQUID

My cat, Squid, has a portal on his face.  I’m afraid to get too close to it, in fear that I may get sucked into another dimension and run into another “me”.  I’m pretty sure Squid is an alien, not only because if his portable portal, but because of the fact that he is always staring up at the ceiling-as though he is anticipating the “mother ship” to come crashing through at any moment.

RIFF RAFF

Holy shit saucers in the sky!  There is no way that Riff Raff isn’t an alien!  I’ve become obsessed with the MTV “clean up your act” themed program, From G’s to Gents, and I was immediately taken back by Mr. Raff upon first sight.  He speaks in tongues through his huge gold chompers and manages to piss off and thoroughly weird out all of the other contenders with his shitty rhymes.  He looks like a mix of Axl Rose & the Predator, decorated with Flo Jo beads.  I’m totally intrigued.

I have recently become an avid Lil Wayne, a.k.a. “Weezie” fan and have been doing some research on him, collecting stats so to speak. This inspired me to do a 3 way comparison of 3 different “Weezies“:

WEEZIE (LOUISE) JEFFERSON

Stats: The sassy & stern wife of Mr. Jefferson on T.V. sitcom The Jeffersons (1975-1985) - a huggable yet nagging character with a voice so shrill it could make your socks wilt.

WEEZIE THE CAT

Stats:  Tubby & cute carpet dweller.  Roundest body ever paired with the tiniest feet ever.

WEEZIE A.K.A. LIL WAYNE

Stats:  Self proclaimed genius rap artist (no dispute there) who brings a raspy-raw-southern flavor to the “rap game”.  He’s got freaky tattoos on his face and spits out references to E.T. and menstral blood.  By far, my favorite of the 3 Weezies.

Just because.

What furry resident doesn’t want to get it’s body stuck in an Ewok hut?  Simply place your pet’s food and water dish right under it’s nose, and watch it not move or do anything but ingest for the rest of its existence!

What has 6 (not 8) condom legs, and vomits ferrets?…Octo-Play!

Which Brings More Joy?

Well, I must admit that I do enjoy me some Cat Stevens & the therapeutic crying myself to sleep that his tunes evoke.  But if I opened a box of laser colored Pop Tarts, expecting just Pop Tarts, and a fuggin’ ridiculously cute cat popped it’s head out instead…I’d say that furry jerk would definitely get first place.

Sugar Glider vs. Scorpion

Hmmm, which one of these would I rather bring into my home and keep cradled in my naked hand?  On a scale of 1 to Pet, I give the Sugar Glider an appropriate “Pet” status.  Mostly because it’s so damn cute that it makes me want to punch my laptop.

I’m sorry Scorpion, I’m thinkin’ you should just stay in the desert where I can fear you and not see you.

I’m going on week #2 of my jobless adventuring.  Since Halloween is this Friday I figured it might be appropriate to start getting the cats into costume a little early for some “practice”.  This year, Malcolm is going to be a 1/2 shaved slinky-eye skeleton.  We have to work on getting him stoned enough on catnip in order for the skele-shades to stay on for more than 10 seconds.

Stay tuned for Squid’s costume!

(Malcolm)

Now that I’m a stay at home cat mom, I have to find things to do with my time other than sinking into the sofa and watching 1200 sassy judge-lady shows.  Other than just doing the usual ball chasing and lap sitting day to day shit we’ve been doing, I’m thinking it’s just about time for the cats to start wearing hats and outfits around the house. The next step: 2009 Malcolm &  Squid Calendar.

I am truly embracing the insane cat lady within.  Help.